Jess

I’m Jessica, but everyone calls me Jess because who has time for long names? Born and bred in the frozen wasteland I like to call Wisconesota (yes, it’s a real place where squirrels wear parkas). Hardcore Vikings fan—if royal purple were a blood type, I'd be walking around with veins full of it. Since 2020, I escaped the ice box and landed in sunny Florida, where I pretend not to miss snow while sweating profusely. Engaged and plotting my takeover of married life—bring on the cake! No human kids, but my cats are basically my fur babies, the rulers of my kingdom. I’m as chill as an iced latte, kind enough to make Mother Teresa proud, drama-free like a monk on vacation, and funny enough to make your grandma spit out her tea.